November 21, 2011, my third chemo treatment. I've heard from people who've gone through it that by the third time it gets worse. I couldn't imagine that, since the first 2 weren't that bad at all. Except for the loss of power for 7 days and an infection on my head!!!
I went in that day and now I'm seeing the physical signs and feeling the emotional signs this treatment is having on me. In the scheme of things, it may seem minimal to someone who isn't or hasn't gone through this. They say, your hair will grow back, you'll be back to normal when all the drugs are out of you, your wig looks great, you look cute in the knit hats, etc...... but I have stayed positive since June 14th, never blamed anyone for this, never said why me, but after 6 months of this it's taken a toll on my body, mind and emotions!
I can barely look at myself in the mirror, my face has red blotches all over it and I'm bald. I'm tired of wearing these knit hats and the wig, as nice as it is, it isn't mine. Not to mention the loss of appetite AND weight gain. How in the hell can that happen! I don't even want to go out of the house at times. I'm exhausted all the time. They say by the 3rd chemo, it builds up and you will get tired more often. I won't even mention the awful snoring I've developed since the first chemo. Keeps everyone up in the house!!!!
I can say that my husband, Bob, Joey and Lauren have been great since this last chemo. I have been an emotional roller coaster and it can't be easy for them to deal with my ups and downs. Joey asked me how I was doing yesterday and usually I say "fine", but I just told him what I was feeling....I was tired of feeling fat, gaining weight, being bald, and wearing these knit hats.....He's so sweet, he's trying to make me laugh, saying how cute I was with the hats and reminded me that, yes, I'm bald, but some people are bald and won't make it.....and that I'm going to be fine. I get it, and love him for trying to make me feel better. But, hey, I'm human and I'm blaming the drugs on my emotions!!!!
I was talking (OK texting) today to my sister-in-law and she told me don't be to hard on myself. Sometimes you have to get mad, sad and angry to get over to the hurdle for the next part of the journey. I haven't done any of this since it all began, so maybe it's about time!!!!! After her text, I did feel better! (Thanks Anne xoxoxo) Whatever it is, it better go away soon, I can't stand it much longer.
The light at the end of the (chemo) tunnel is near. My last treatment is December 12th. And since it's my last one, I won't need my neulasta shot (that's what makes me sick with the aches, pains, and sometimes nausea). But those darn steriods I do need, so I'll do this one more time and be done with it.
I have to wait 3 weeks before radiation, so I will hopefully be able to enjoy the holidays with family and friends!
I hope everyone enjoys their Holidays. I know I sure will! I do have a lot to be thankful for this year, but will be glad when 2011 is over with.
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Lucky Me!?!?
Well, after loosing my hair and coming to terms with it, I was just looking forward to a nice bald head. Is that to much to ask for? In the scheme of things, I don't think so. I still have some peach fuzz, which at times I pick at thinking it still should come out. It hasn't yet, so maybe I'd better stop pulling it!!!!
About a week or so after my second chemo treatment, my head started to itch. I didn't give it much thought, I figured, since we had no power for 7 days I was wearing knit caps 24/7, that maybe my head just needed to breathe. (I still do that anyways because my head is so darn cold!!!). Well, it got so bad I wanted to scream! Not to gross everyone out, but it looked like I had poison ivy on my head. So, I called the doctor to see if they can get some cream for it. They called back and wanted to see me! CRAP! I have to make a trip in the see the doctor. Well, they took a look at it and saw that was an infection in my hair follicles!!!!! GREAT!!!!! Are you shitting me? I asked, is this normal? They say some people get it. I told them, I just got used to loosing my hair and looking forward to a nice bald freakin' head, and I get an infection.
So, 10 days on antibiotics and some cortisone cream. It finally went away withing a few days......I've always stayed positive, never really bitched (yet) but come on hair follicle infection!!!! As awful as it was, I did laugh about it after it was all done!!!! Only me!
On a happier note, I was 1/2 done with my treatments, just 2 more to go!!! Yippie!!!!
About a week or so after my second chemo treatment, my head started to itch. I didn't give it much thought, I figured, since we had no power for 7 days I was wearing knit caps 24/7, that maybe my head just needed to breathe. (I still do that anyways because my head is so darn cold!!!). Well, it got so bad I wanted to scream! Not to gross everyone out, but it looked like I had poison ivy on my head. So, I called the doctor to see if they can get some cream for it. They called back and wanted to see me! CRAP! I have to make a trip in the see the doctor. Well, they took a look at it and saw that was an infection in my hair follicles!!!!! GREAT!!!!! Are you shitting me? I asked, is this normal? They say some people get it. I told them, I just got used to loosing my hair and looking forward to a nice bald freakin' head, and I get an infection.
So, 10 days on antibiotics and some cortisone cream. It finally went away withing a few days......I've always stayed positive, never really bitched (yet) but come on hair follicle infection!!!! As awful as it was, I did laugh about it after it was all done!!!! Only me!
On a happier note, I was 1/2 done with my treatments, just 2 more to go!!! Yippie!!!!
It's been awhile......lots to tell....
So, last I posted, my first chemo was under my belt and my hair fell out, blah, blah, blah......
The second round of chemo was like the first, side effect wise, but I had to endure these side effects without power, running water, and heat. We had an Autumnal Nor'easter, Alfred, come to Connecticut for a visit. We lost power on Saturday afternoon, October 29th and my chemo was to be done on Halloween. I thought, no big deal, we'll have power by then. I got ready Sunday or chemo, and took my steriods, morning and night. Then got up Monday am put my numbing cream on my port and waited. Received a call that the cancer center had no power and it was to be rescheduled until Tuesday....OK.....Then Tuesday came, still no power at home, but thought for sure the Cancer Center got power by now! NOT! I received a call saying I can go to another center to have it done. I said fine, let me get this done with. I literally had 30 minutes to get directions to the place, drive there and be on time for my chemo appointment.
It was a little tough this time around because we still had no power and with my aches, pains, no sleeping, it was tough getting comfortable. It might have been a blessing, because it forced me to get out and find a warm place to go. I spent Wednesday with Joe and my sister. We got to take a nice hot shower and relaxed. My aches and pains weren't bad yet. The next day wasn't bad either, but Friday was the worst, and it was day 7 without power. I went outside to keep warm, and by 2:30 I was exhausted. I came home and the afternoon sun had warmed up the house. BY 7:30pm that Friday night the power came on. You'd think I'd won the lottery!!! I jumped off the couch with a burst of energy, I texted everyone I knew letting them know power was ON!!!! I don't know where the energy came from, but I started cleaning the kitchen like a mad woman, which after 7 days was a mess!!!! Finally, back to normal at home!
The second round of chemo was like the first, side effect wise, but I had to endure these side effects without power, running water, and heat. We had an Autumnal Nor'easter, Alfred, come to Connecticut for a visit. We lost power on Saturday afternoon, October 29th and my chemo was to be done on Halloween. I thought, no big deal, we'll have power by then. I got ready Sunday or chemo, and took my steriods, morning and night. Then got up Monday am put my numbing cream on my port and waited. Received a call that the cancer center had no power and it was to be rescheduled until Tuesday....OK.....Then Tuesday came, still no power at home, but thought for sure the Cancer Center got power by now! NOT! I received a call saying I can go to another center to have it done. I said fine, let me get this done with. I literally had 30 minutes to get directions to the place, drive there and be on time for my chemo appointment.
It was a little tough this time around because we still had no power and with my aches, pains, no sleeping, it was tough getting comfortable. It might have been a blessing, because it forced me to get out and find a warm place to go. I spent Wednesday with Joe and my sister. We got to take a nice hot shower and relaxed. My aches and pains weren't bad yet. The next day wasn't bad either, but Friday was the worst, and it was day 7 without power. I went outside to keep warm, and by 2:30 I was exhausted. I came home and the afternoon sun had warmed up the house. BY 7:30pm that Friday night the power came on. You'd think I'd won the lottery!!! I jumped off the couch with a burst of energy, I texted everyone I knew letting them know power was ON!!!! I don't know where the energy came from, but I started cleaning the kitchen like a mad woman, which after 7 days was a mess!!!! Finally, back to normal at home!
Monday, October 24, 2011
All gone
Well, I was able to get used to my new haircut for 3 days then on Saturday it started coming out a little. But on Sunday it came out in massive amounts. I don't remember ever crying so much in one day. I knew it was bound to happen, but you can't prepare yourself or imagine how you're going to feel or react when it starts happening. It honestly was one of the worse days of my life.
So this morning I took the scissors and cut it as short as possible so I wouldn't have to pull the mounds of hair out, and I'm almost bald. What a difference emotionally!!
I have 2 beautiful wigs and quite a few warm hand knitted hats I will be sporting this winter. I've always wanted to wear hats, but I've always had to much hair!!!! Pictures will be posted in a few days of my new looks. Doubt I will be posting a bald picture though!
So this morning I took the scissors and cut it as short as possible so I wouldn't have to pull the mounds of hair out, and I'm almost bald. What a difference emotionally!!
I have 2 beautiful wigs and quite a few warm hand knitted hats I will be sporting this winter. I've always wanted to wear hats, but I've always had to much hair!!!! Pictures will be posted in a few days of my new looks. Doubt I will be posting a bald picture though!
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Hair issues...........
I have my hair appointment scheduled for Tuesday, October 18th. I had 6 friends and family there with me. We made a little party of it. Wine, cheese and crackers, etc. I was very nervous when I got there. I immediately had a sip of wine to try and calm my nerves. I didn't know if it would be emotional for me or not.It wasn't, lots of laughs.
I've had long hair for over 35 years so this was drastic for me. I told Alberto, my wonderful hairdresser, do what you want. Just make the back really short, close to the head, so when it begins to fall out, it won't be globs of hair falling out.
I didn't have enough to donate to Locks of Love, but Pantene accepts 8 inches or more. So he put my hair in a ponytail and cut off my 8 inches.
The cut came out fabulous!!! I loved it, not sure I can style it like he did, but I loved it! We all went out to eat afterwards and had a great evening with family and friends.
After my experience with the "wig room" I decided to just wear scarves and hats. One of the ladies in the infusion room told me about a wig store that was very nice and they took great care of you.
Since I was feeling so great adn it was a beautiful fall day, I decided to take a drive to the store. They were so helpful and I found a wig almost exactly like the haircut I had just gotten. I even took a picture of it on me and sent it to my sister. I asked her "how do you like how I styled my hair" today. She said OMG I like it better than the way the hairdresser did it. I then told her it was a wig! I went home to show the picture to Bob and he said he liked it better than my haircut too, so I went back Friday to get it!
While I was there on Friday, I saw another one, a bit longer that the one I got. I am partial to long hair, so I wanted that one too! Long story short, I went back Saturday to get the long one. Now I have 2 beautiful wigs I can use when I want to wear hair! Bob and I have this Ball to go to on November 5th, and originally I was going to wear a scarf, not anymore, I got 2 wigs to choose from.
The timing of getting my wig on Friday was perfect. My own hair began to fall out Saturday morning. Just 12 days after chemo began. I knew it was going to happen, but it's still hard to run your fingers through your hair and see clumps coming out. I cried to Bob for just a few minutes and he said at least you know the medicine is working and it'll grow back.
I'm in the house now wearing the warmest wool hat, it feels great. My scalp is very sensitive now, so the hat feels comfy. I want to have matching hats knitted for the whole family to have during the winter if they care to wear them with me!!!
I have alot of appointments planned for next week, so I will have more to update!!!! Then before you know it Round 2 of chemo will be here on Halloween!!!! Hmmm, should I go in costume?
I'm feeling exhausted today, both emotionally and physically. Going to relax this evening with Bob and whichever kid decides to grace us with their presence!!!
Until next week.......
I've had long hair for over 35 years so this was drastic for me. I told Alberto, my wonderful hairdresser, do what you want. Just make the back really short, close to the head, so when it begins to fall out, it won't be globs of hair falling out.
I didn't have enough to donate to Locks of Love, but Pantene accepts 8 inches or more. So he put my hair in a ponytail and cut off my 8 inches.
The cut came out fabulous!!! I loved it, not sure I can style it like he did, but I loved it! We all went out to eat afterwards and had a great evening with family and friends.
After my experience with the "wig room" I decided to just wear scarves and hats. One of the ladies in the infusion room told me about a wig store that was very nice and they took great care of you.
Since I was feeling so great adn it was a beautiful fall day, I decided to take a drive to the store. They were so helpful and I found a wig almost exactly like the haircut I had just gotten. I even took a picture of it on me and sent it to my sister. I asked her "how do you like how I styled my hair" today. She said OMG I like it better than the way the hairdresser did it. I then told her it was a wig! I went home to show the picture to Bob and he said he liked it better than my haircut too, so I went back Friday to get it!
While I was there on Friday, I saw another one, a bit longer that the one I got. I am partial to long hair, so I wanted that one too! Long story short, I went back Saturday to get the long one. Now I have 2 beautiful wigs I can use when I want to wear hair! Bob and I have this Ball to go to on November 5th, and originally I was going to wear a scarf, not anymore, I got 2 wigs to choose from.
The timing of getting my wig on Friday was perfect. My own hair began to fall out Saturday morning. Just 12 days after chemo began. I knew it was going to happen, but it's still hard to run your fingers through your hair and see clumps coming out. I cried to Bob for just a few minutes and he said at least you know the medicine is working and it'll grow back.
I'm in the house now wearing the warmest wool hat, it feels great. My scalp is very sensitive now, so the hat feels comfy. I want to have matching hats knitted for the whole family to have during the winter if they care to wear them with me!!!
I have alot of appointments planned for next week, so I will have more to update!!!! Then before you know it Round 2 of chemo will be here on Halloween!!!! Hmmm, should I go in costume?
I'm feeling exhausted today, both emotionally and physically. Going to relax this evening with Bob and whichever kid decides to grace us with their presence!!!
Until next week.......
The day after.....
Tuesday, another morning and evening dose of steriods! Then time for my neulasta shot. I went in got the shot and left. I asked when should I experience any side effects. One nurse said 3-5 days another nurse said within a day.. OK.....Within 12 hours of the shot, I started feeling body aches. Kinda like flu like aches and pains. So, Wednesday I was tired and had some aches and pains. Not bad enough that I wasn't able to spend 2 hours at school with parent/teachers conferences!!!! I really haven't had a good nights sleep since Saturday. With all the steriods in me and the aches and pains I couldn't get comfortable.
No nausea, so I happy as a pig in you know what. Thursday was worse with the aches and pains, still couldn't get comfortable. So I said I'd call the doctor for a sleeping pill Friday if I wasn't able to sleep. I called Friday, got the sleeping pill, took it and still didn't work!!! That did it! Time for my own remedy!
Saturday was a beautiful fall day! Joey had a baseball double header. I sat for 4 hours in the fresh air. Walked around abit to stretch and it felt great. Went home and before bed I had a glass of wine. I don't know if it was the wine, fresh air, and walking that did it, but I slept 11 hours!!!! Or maybe too, the steriods were on there way out of my body.....So, note to self: wine and fresh air works if this happens again.
I then thought I was on my way to feeling better......By Sunday I started feeling like myself again....If this happens everytime, I can do it. Just one week of feeling crappy and 2 full weeks of normalcy.
One down 3 to go!
No nausea, so I happy as a pig in you know what. Thursday was worse with the aches and pains, still couldn't get comfortable. So I said I'd call the doctor for a sleeping pill Friday if I wasn't able to sleep. I called Friday, got the sleeping pill, took it and still didn't work!!! That did it! Time for my own remedy!
Saturday was a beautiful fall day! Joey had a baseball double header. I sat for 4 hours in the fresh air. Walked around abit to stretch and it felt great. Went home and before bed I had a glass of wine. I don't know if it was the wine, fresh air, and walking that did it, but I slept 11 hours!!!! Or maybe too, the steriods were on there way out of my body.....So, note to self: wine and fresh air works if this happens again.
I then thought I was on my way to feeling better......By Sunday I started feeling like myself again....If this happens everytime, I can do it. Just one week of feeling crappy and 2 full weeks of normalcy.
One down 3 to go!
Round one of Chemo - done~
I waited awhile before updating the blog after my first chemo treatment. I wanted to share with everyone what I experienced in the time after and since it was my first, I didn't know what to expect or for how long I'd be experiencing the side effects.
I had my first treatment on Monday, October 10th. I was nervous as to be expected. I took my steriod pills Sunday morning and Sunday evening before chemo. So between this and my nerves I got maybe 3 hours of sleep.
Monday morning came, my appointment was at 10am. I needed to get up, get ready at least 2 hours before so I can put numbing cream on my port,. The port is where they put the IV drip, chemo meds, draw any blood. Much easier for me having a port, since they can't use my right arm for anything and my left arm has no veins to be found. By putting the cream on, I shouldn't feel any pain when they stick the needle in me. And it worked, no pain!!!!! Robin, my nurse was very nice and explained everything to me. I ask alot of questions!!!!
I was told by others who had gone through this what I may experience and what to bring with me. Snacks, books, gum, music, etc. to keep me busy. My total drip time was 2 1/2 hours, not long at all compared to some people there were in there for 5-8 hours that day. So 2 1/2 was a breeze.
I walked in and was told to pick a seat. Of course, I picked a seat by the window facing the door so I can see the whole room! Bob sat with me the whole time. I tried listening to music and read, but I was to darn nosy and couldn't concentrate, so I just people watched.
Some people made me chuckle and some made me sad. After seeing what I saw that day , I consider myself lucky, very lucky.
I had an older man next to me who was there for 8 hours, he and his wife bickered the whole time, in a good way. Another older couple was there, the wife was being treated and I noticed she had a full head of hair, so I assumed it was maybe her first time. We got to talking and she said she's been doing this for 4 years now and will probably have to do it for the rest of her life!!! She said it was her own fault, she put off having a colonoscopy and developed colon cancer. They got it during surgery, but she would still need chemo once a month or so for the rest of her life. Lastly, there was another woman who came in, it was her first time also. I saw that she had a port but didn't see any numbing cream on it. My heart went out to this lady, she was all by herself and curled up in fetal position in the chair. She was so sad, saying she was just going home to shave her head tonight. The nurses tried several times to put the IV in her port and she would cry and scream because of the pain. After about 3 attempts she was gone. I don't know what happened or where she went. But no one should have to go through this alone.
Before I knew it, my drip was done. They had me wait a few minutes after to make sure I didn't have an allergic reaction to the meds and I didn't. I would have to come back 24 hours later from when the chemo ended to get a "neulasta" shot. This would boost my white blood count and cause aches, pains and nausea.
I got home and felt great, thinking they put this poison/medicine into my body and I felt great! Time will tell what side effects I would experience.
I had my first treatment on Monday, October 10th. I was nervous as to be expected. I took my steriod pills Sunday morning and Sunday evening before chemo. So between this and my nerves I got maybe 3 hours of sleep.
Monday morning came, my appointment was at 10am. I needed to get up, get ready at least 2 hours before so I can put numbing cream on my port,. The port is where they put the IV drip, chemo meds, draw any blood. Much easier for me having a port, since they can't use my right arm for anything and my left arm has no veins to be found. By putting the cream on, I shouldn't feel any pain when they stick the needle in me. And it worked, no pain!!!!! Robin, my nurse was very nice and explained everything to me. I ask alot of questions!!!!
I was told by others who had gone through this what I may experience and what to bring with me. Snacks, books, gum, music, etc. to keep me busy. My total drip time was 2 1/2 hours, not long at all compared to some people there were in there for 5-8 hours that day. So 2 1/2 was a breeze.
I walked in and was told to pick a seat. Of course, I picked a seat by the window facing the door so I can see the whole room! Bob sat with me the whole time. I tried listening to music and read, but I was to darn nosy and couldn't concentrate, so I just people watched.
Some people made me chuckle and some made me sad. After seeing what I saw that day , I consider myself lucky, very lucky.
I had an older man next to me who was there for 8 hours, he and his wife bickered the whole time, in a good way. Another older couple was there, the wife was being treated and I noticed she had a full head of hair, so I assumed it was maybe her first time. We got to talking and she said she's been doing this for 4 years now and will probably have to do it for the rest of her life!!! She said it was her own fault, she put off having a colonoscopy and developed colon cancer. They got it during surgery, but she would still need chemo once a month or so for the rest of her life. Lastly, there was another woman who came in, it was her first time also. I saw that she had a port but didn't see any numbing cream on it. My heart went out to this lady, she was all by herself and curled up in fetal position in the chair. She was so sad, saying she was just going home to shave her head tonight. The nurses tried several times to put the IV in her port and she would cry and scream because of the pain. After about 3 attempts she was gone. I don't know what happened or where she went. But no one should have to go through this alone.
Before I knew it, my drip was done. They had me wait a few minutes after to make sure I didn't have an allergic reaction to the meds and I didn't. I would have to come back 24 hours later from when the chemo ended to get a "neulasta" shot. This would boost my white blood count and cause aches, pains and nausea.
I got home and felt great, thinking they put this poison/medicine into my body and I felt great! Time will tell what side effects I would experience.
Friday, October 7, 2011
I am so lucky to have my Silpada Sisters......
There have so many people (family, friends, co-workers, neighbors, people I've just met, and some I don't even know) that have sent words of encouragement, cards, emails, phone messages, I am so lucky to have them all in my life! There are so many, that I can't acknowledge each and everyone of them, but I hope they know that I love them all and appreciate everything they've done for me and my family.
There is a special group of ladies, that have always been beside me through this, in spirit and in prayer. And most of them just met me in July! They live further away than I'd like, but they are with me just the same. One of my Silpada Sisters, Angie Sly said to me, "THIS is truly what it is all about...not the shows, the money, the hostess coaching or recruiting.....NO! the girlfriends who truly adore one another and enjoy time together".
My wonderful sponsor Kelly Mahanna emailed me the other day and asked if their local Silpada team (in Iowa) can represent me in the Race for the Cure on October 22. They also want to invite all our Silpada Sisters across the nation to join them in helping battle for a cure. She said they'd be proud to help me and would walk/run just for me!
That right there brought tears to my eyes! It was during my pity party, but it would have brought tears regardless of the day. I am so blessed to have this wonderful group of women in my life. There are no words right now that can express how lucky I am.
There is a special group of ladies, that have always been beside me through this, in spirit and in prayer. And most of them just met me in July! They live further away than I'd like, but they are with me just the same. One of my Silpada Sisters, Angie Sly said to me, "THIS is truly what it is all about...not the shows, the money, the hostess coaching or recruiting.....NO! the girlfriends who truly adore one another and enjoy time together".
My wonderful sponsor Kelly Mahanna emailed me the other day and asked if their local Silpada team (in Iowa) can represent me in the Race for the Cure on October 22. They also want to invite all our Silpada Sisters across the nation to join them in helping battle for a cure. She said they'd be proud to help me and would walk/run just for me!
That right there brought tears to my eyes! It was during my pity party, but it would have brought tears regardless of the day. I am so blessed to have this wonderful group of women in my life. There are no words right now that can express how lucky I am.
Party is over, I'm back on track
The pity party is over and I am back on track. Thanks goodness it didn't last that long!
When I knew I may have to have chemo and my hair "may" fall out, I knew I wanted to get a wig. Now my husband tells me all the time to think positive and don't say "when" my hair falls out, say "if" it falls out. I'm trying to think that way.
Bob said why would you want to wear a wig? Why not just a scarf or hat? He said maybe being a guy he doesn't understand. I told him I've had hair all my life. It doesn't define who I am but it's what I'm used to and a big part of me. So after he saw the wig I got from the wig room, he said you can't wear that, go and get the human hair wig if I want. Believe me it's going to be ordered online this weekend. He gets it now! Or maybe him seeing me so upset made him realize how much it bothers me.
I had the day to myself. A nice warm, crisp, sunny, New England fall day. What to do, hmmm. I decided to go somewhere where I can laugh. Yep, I went to visit my friends at work. I usually try and go to visit once a week. They are such great friends, I leave there everytime with a smile on my face. Don't get me wrong, I don't miss working, just the people!
This weekend we're going to have some beautiful weather, getting into the 80's and I am looking forward to watching Joe's 2 baseball games. I can't wait! I'm sure I'll be nervous for Monday, but I have such a great support system here, they'll get me through it as they have done so in the past. I am truly blessed! You all know who you are!
I read this week, that people with cancer "are lucky", because they get two lives. One before cancer and one after cancer. And the one after cancer is the most rewarding one! I am seeing that firsthand.
When I knew I may have to have chemo and my hair "may" fall out, I knew I wanted to get a wig. Now my husband tells me all the time to think positive and don't say "when" my hair falls out, say "if" it falls out. I'm trying to think that way.
Bob said why would you want to wear a wig? Why not just a scarf or hat? He said maybe being a guy he doesn't understand. I told him I've had hair all my life. It doesn't define who I am but it's what I'm used to and a big part of me. So after he saw the wig I got from the wig room, he said you can't wear that, go and get the human hair wig if I want. Believe me it's going to be ordered online this weekend. He gets it now! Or maybe him seeing me so upset made him realize how much it bothers me.
I had the day to myself. A nice warm, crisp, sunny, New England fall day. What to do, hmmm. I decided to go somewhere where I can laugh. Yep, I went to visit my friends at work. I usually try and go to visit once a week. They are such great friends, I leave there everytime with a smile on my face. Don't get me wrong, I don't miss working, just the people!
This weekend we're going to have some beautiful weather, getting into the 80's and I am looking forward to watching Joe's 2 baseball games. I can't wait! I'm sure I'll be nervous for Monday, but I have such a great support system here, they'll get me through it as they have done so in the past. I am truly blessed! You all know who you are!
I read this week, that people with cancer "are lucky", because they get two lives. One before cancer and one after cancer. And the one after cancer is the most rewarding one! I am seeing that firsthand.
It's a Party.....
Well, this week was the first time since my diagnosis that I had a pity party for myself. It lasted less than a day, but it happened. I guess I am entitled, or so I am told.
I had my port put in on Monday the 3rd and chemo is to start on the 10th. Not taking the time to rest after Monday's surgery, I went about my business and ran errands.
My favorite errand, going to try on wigs. NOT! I dreaded this so much. But I wanted to have something for my head. I know people say "it'll grow back, it's only hair", but all the cancer patients I've talked to say this is the hardest to deal with.
I have some scarves and hats that are OK, but I want some "hair" just in case.......The Cancer Center has a "wig room" where you can go and try on wigs, synthetic ones.....eeekkkkk... My hairdresser says get "human hair" if you can. So I went to a wig store to at least see and feel what human hair felt like. It does feel like human hair and you have to do the upkeep as if it was your own hair! Some say that's the drawback.
It's Wednesday and I have an appointment to try on wigs. It's hard to get the real effect with your own hair still there. So there I am trying on these synthetic wigs and you can't comb them like human hair, you just have to play with it with your fingers to get it to look right. After an hour or so, I walked out of there with a wig and about 7 knitted hats, scarves, etc.
By that time I was feeling sick. I forgot to eat and had taken a pain pill because I was sore from the surgery on Monday. Luckily I was just 20 minutes from home, I didn't think I'd make it but I did.
When I got home and went straight to bed at 2:30pm. Lauren comes home (my 11 year old daughter) and comes to lay with me in bed. I told her what I did that day and she asked if she can look at my "goodies". That little girl had a field day with all the stuff. (You all have to know that being nauseous for me is the worst, I can take physical pain, but not a queezy stomach. So my emotions are running rampid.) She tries on the wig and says "hey, can I wear this for Halloween?" I was thinking of being a girl from the 1980's. Holding back the tears (not tears of laughter) I said sure.
I don't think I cried as much as I did that night. I know it's only hair, but I think everything finally sunk in, chemo is starting Monday and I am nervous and scared.
I had my port put in on Monday the 3rd and chemo is to start on the 10th. Not taking the time to rest after Monday's surgery, I went about my business and ran errands.
My favorite errand, going to try on wigs. NOT! I dreaded this so much. But I wanted to have something for my head. I know people say "it'll grow back, it's only hair", but all the cancer patients I've talked to say this is the hardest to deal with.
I have some scarves and hats that are OK, but I want some "hair" just in case.......The Cancer Center has a "wig room" where you can go and try on wigs, synthetic ones.....eeekkkkk... My hairdresser says get "human hair" if you can. So I went to a wig store to at least see and feel what human hair felt like. It does feel like human hair and you have to do the upkeep as if it was your own hair! Some say that's the drawback.
It's Wednesday and I have an appointment to try on wigs. It's hard to get the real effect with your own hair still there. So there I am trying on these synthetic wigs and you can't comb them like human hair, you just have to play with it with your fingers to get it to look right. After an hour or so, I walked out of there with a wig and about 7 knitted hats, scarves, etc.
By that time I was feeling sick. I forgot to eat and had taken a pain pill because I was sore from the surgery on Monday. Luckily I was just 20 minutes from home, I didn't think I'd make it but I did.
When I got home and went straight to bed at 2:30pm. Lauren comes home (my 11 year old daughter) and comes to lay with me in bed. I told her what I did that day and she asked if she can look at my "goodies". That little girl had a field day with all the stuff. (You all have to know that being nauseous for me is the worst, I can take physical pain, but not a queezy stomach. So my emotions are running rampid.) She tries on the wig and says "hey, can I wear this for Halloween?" I was thinking of being a girl from the 1980's. Holding back the tears (not tears of laughter) I said sure.
I don't think I cried as much as I did that night. I know it's only hair, but I think everything finally sunk in, chemo is starting Monday and I am nervous and scared.
Monday, September 26, 2011
I feel like I'm being tested....the longest day of my life.....
The waiting is over. My follow-up with the medical oncologist was this Friday, September 30th. I was told to call 2 days before to see if test results were in. OK....Being persistent and impatient, I decided to call last week on the 20th, and yes the results were in. So, I managed to get an appointment for today at 8:15 am. I was nervous of what the results would show, but anxious to get on with treatment.
We met with the doctor and the results were what we expected. Right in the middle where it would be my personal decision. The doctor said she'd give us a few days to decide and Bob and I looked at each other, both of our eyes tearing up because we each knew what the decision would be. He would say no chemo and I would say yes to it. I told him I just didn't want to burden him with taking care of me and he said it's my body and mind that has to deal with it and he'd be beside me the whole time with wahttever I decided to do. So the decision is made, on with chemo!!!!!
Now that that weight has been lifted from our shoulders, let me back track a week. Last Sunday, September 17th in the evening, Bob sneezed and all of a sudden he gets this headache. Within minutes it's unbearable. He can't lay down, he's sweating, he's in so much pain it's scares the heck out of me. So, I tell him lets go to the hospital, he says no it'll go away......after an hour of me pleading with him, I gave him a migraine pill which relieved it abit. I'm watching his every move, speech, walking, talking, to see if something serious was happening. In the morning he still feels a dull ache, but goes to work. That whole week he still has a dull headache. I call the doctor to see if it's normal to sneeze and get such a heacache. Then I see Bob googling headaches, migraines, brain tumors, etc....which for him to do this, it means he was worried. He said when he woke up that Monday morning, he literally wanted to die that night, it was that painful!
So, after my appointment this am about my chemo treatment, off we went to the doctor to have Bob checked out. He explains what happened, and she immediately says we need to get this looked at "stat". So, off we go to the hospital for an MRI and an MRA of his head and brain. I asked if she'd call us with results, she said no we're waiting for them and if it's bad we'll need to admit him.
I'm literally scared to death, not even caring about what's happening to me. That's nothing compared to the thought of something happening to him. I'm a nervous wreck in the waiting room, waiting, crying, praying to let him be OK. I never asked God why me with cancer, but if something happened to him, I would have questioned him. After waiting about 30 minutes the results are back and everything looks fine. I teared up with joy.
So home we went, he's taking a well needed nap and I will keep my eyes on him forever!!!!
We met with the doctor and the results were what we expected. Right in the middle where it would be my personal decision. The doctor said she'd give us a few days to decide and Bob and I looked at each other, both of our eyes tearing up because we each knew what the decision would be. He would say no chemo and I would say yes to it. I told him I just didn't want to burden him with taking care of me and he said it's my body and mind that has to deal with it and he'd be beside me the whole time with wahttever I decided to do. So the decision is made, on with chemo!!!!!
Now that that weight has been lifted from our shoulders, let me back track a week. Last Sunday, September 17th in the evening, Bob sneezed and all of a sudden he gets this headache. Within minutes it's unbearable. He can't lay down, he's sweating, he's in so much pain it's scares the heck out of me. So, I tell him lets go to the hospital, he says no it'll go away......after an hour of me pleading with him, I gave him a migraine pill which relieved it abit. I'm watching his every move, speech, walking, talking, to see if something serious was happening. In the morning he still feels a dull ache, but goes to work. That whole week he still has a dull headache. I call the doctor to see if it's normal to sneeze and get such a heacache. Then I see Bob googling headaches, migraines, brain tumors, etc....which for him to do this, it means he was worried. He said when he woke up that Monday morning, he literally wanted to die that night, it was that painful!
So, after my appointment this am about my chemo treatment, off we went to the doctor to have Bob checked out. He explains what happened, and she immediately says we need to get this looked at "stat". So, off we go to the hospital for an MRI and an MRA of his head and brain. I asked if she'd call us with results, she said no we're waiting for them and if it's bad we'll need to admit him.
I'm literally scared to death, not even caring about what's happening to me. That's nothing compared to the thought of something happening to him. I'm a nervous wreck in the waiting room, waiting, crying, praying to let him be OK. I never asked God why me with cancer, but if something happened to him, I would have questioned him. After waiting about 30 minutes the results are back and everything looks fine. I teared up with joy.
So home we went, he's taking a well needed nap and I will keep my eyes on him forever!!!!
Saturday, September 10, 2011
All surgeries are done!!!! Now for the treatments......
I thought since they got all the cancer, surgeries are done, that I would be less scared, but not the case. I am somewhat scared of again, "the unknown" I am now waiting to see what the treatment would be. Whether it just be radiation or both chemo and radiation. I was told that the cancer stage (stage 1) and type I have type B, (there are types A, B and C) which is dead smack in the middle and would possibly be a "personal choice" as to whether or not I wanted to do chemo.
I am scheduled to meet with the medical oncologist Monday, September 12th. She will look at my records/data and put in the computer that tells you the results as to what the percentage of what the reoccurrence rate would be if I had chemo or if I didn't have chemo. If it was a type A, they would probably say no to chemo, if my type was a C, they would do chemo, but since it's a B, right in the middle, it may be my choice........What am I to do? I'll just have to look at the percentage of reoccurrence rate and decide with the help of my husband and rely on my faith to help me make the right decision.
If chemo is required, I would need it for 4 months, every other week. I hadn't known that the chemo is about 4-5 hours a day for 1 week, then one week off, etc. Then after chemo it would be a total of 35 treatments of radiation. At least that is just 10 minutes a day for 5 days a week, for 2 months.
In my heart and mind I know what I'd do regarding chemo if it was up to me, but I will wait to see what the doctor says.
I have been positive 95% of the time, but it's been 3 months already and it feels like I'm still in a fog. I need a vacuum to suck everyting out of my head just to clear it out, so I can focus on me and my journey.
Two more days to wait and see..........
A sweet story I heard today: My 16 year old son, Joey, plays baseball. Well, he's been using his sister's pink bat bag. I thought it was because his was old and worn out. I did think, "why is he using a pink bag", aren't the other boys going to tease him? He's is very respected by his teammates, so that wasn't a problem. And he never asked for a new one, and for Joey that was odd!!!!! One of the parents told me at today's game, that Joey told her son, that he uses the "pink bat bag" to support his Mom because she has breast cancer. That hadn't even entered my mind why he was using it, I got so teary eyed when she told me. I am so proud of what a great young man he is growing up to be. He's still a teenager and by no means is perfect, but he does get things in life, and that makes me proud. Joey I love you!!!!
I am scheduled to meet with the medical oncologist Monday, September 12th. She will look at my records/data and put in the computer that tells you the results as to what the percentage of what the reoccurrence rate would be if I had chemo or if I didn't have chemo. If it was a type A, they would probably say no to chemo, if my type was a C, they would do chemo, but since it's a B, right in the middle, it may be my choice........What am I to do? I'll just have to look at the percentage of reoccurrence rate and decide with the help of my husband and rely on my faith to help me make the right decision.
If chemo is required, I would need it for 4 months, every other week. I hadn't known that the chemo is about 4-5 hours a day for 1 week, then one week off, etc. Then after chemo it would be a total of 35 treatments of radiation. At least that is just 10 minutes a day for 5 days a week, for 2 months.
In my heart and mind I know what I'd do regarding chemo if it was up to me, but I will wait to see what the doctor says.
I have been positive 95% of the time, but it's been 3 months already and it feels like I'm still in a fog. I need a vacuum to suck everyting out of my head just to clear it out, so I can focus on me and my journey.
Two more days to wait and see..........
A sweet story I heard today: My 16 year old son, Joey, plays baseball. Well, he's been using his sister's pink bat bag. I thought it was because his was old and worn out. I did think, "why is he using a pink bag", aren't the other boys going to tease him? He's is very respected by his teammates, so that wasn't a problem. And he never asked for a new one, and for Joey that was odd!!!!! One of the parents told me at today's game, that Joey told her son, that he uses the "pink bat bag" to support his Mom because she has breast cancer. That hadn't even entered my mind why he was using it, I got so teary eyed when she told me. I am so proud of what a great young man he is growing up to be. He's still a teenager and by no means is perfect, but he does get things in life, and that makes me proud. Joey I love you!!!!
Thursday, August 18, 2011
The Results Are In.....
This posting is a little late, but as you all know life happens and time flies by. I was scheduled to get my results from my August 5th at my follow-up appointment, August 11th (my 47th birthday). I knew they would have them earlier, but I wanted to get them in person. On that Wednesday before, I kept contemplating whether or not to call and see if they were in. Part of me wanted to, but the other part said no, what if they aren't the results I wanted to hear. In my mind, I tossed and turned whether or not to call. I thought well, if they were bad the doctor would call, or if it was good news they would call......UGGG!!!!! I left it alone and decided to just wait.
I figured it was after 6:00 pm and no calls, I'll wait. Then the phone rang at 6:50 pm and I saw it was the doctors office......stomach in knots, I picked it up. It was the doctor and she said she had preliminary pathology results.....I quickly grabed a pen and paper then started writing everything she said.
The area on the left side that they saw something different on the MRI was clean! The lymph nodes were all clean, no cancer!! (they took out 5 of them, and boy was it painful!!!) and 1 of the 2 margins on the right side was clean. They just had one little area on the right side where there was still some non-invasive cancer. The doctor would go into more details the next day when I went for my follow-up.
What a weight lifted off my shoulders when I heard that news!!!!! I cried with joy!!! What a wonderful birthday I was going to have!!!
August 11th ~ Happy 47th Birthday to Me!!!!
Bob and I went to the follow-up appointment Thursday the 11th. She first examined the areas where I was operated on. Everything looked fine. I just couldn't lift my right arm where they took the lymph nodes out....I asked her, "why didn't you tell me this was going to be painful" lol......she said the lymph nodes were all over the place and she had to do alot of cutting......but all in all it was worth the pain given the results I'd gotten.
With the little bit of cancer left she was going to check with the radiologist to see if she could get "a pass" on it and get it with radiation. I said I'd rather have it taken out and that's what she advised also. So, another surgery is scheduled for Friday August 19th. I am hoping his will be it and I can start some treatment after all of these surgeries heal.
We celebrated my birthday with a nice dinner and a concert! The very next morning, we all headed to Cape Cod for some time away. Bob's brother from Oregon was visiting and we had a reunion at the Cape on Saturday. All of his siblings, parents, nieces and nephews were there. It was a great time, especially with the great news and great company!
We headed home Wednesday to relax for a day before my next surgery on Friday. I assume this will be like the first one and not as much pain as the last. Either way it's one step closer to the end.
Bob and I are going to a fundraiser tonight. Put on by After the Storm Inc. (http://www.afterthestorminc.org/) 2011 Art Bra Runway Show & Auction. I'm looking forward to it!
I am so blessed to have such a wonderful family, great friends and co-workers during this time. I can't tell you all how much you all mean to me. The prayers, thoughts, cards, emails, texts, flowers, and gifts make me feel so loved.
I figured it was after 6:00 pm and no calls, I'll wait. Then the phone rang at 6:50 pm and I saw it was the doctors office......stomach in knots, I picked it up. It was the doctor and she said she had preliminary pathology results.....I quickly grabed a pen and paper then started writing everything she said.
The area on the left side that they saw something different on the MRI was clean! The lymph nodes were all clean, no cancer!! (they took out 5 of them, and boy was it painful!!!) and 1 of the 2 margins on the right side was clean. They just had one little area on the right side where there was still some non-invasive cancer. The doctor would go into more details the next day when I went for my follow-up.
What a weight lifted off my shoulders when I heard that news!!!!! I cried with joy!!! What a wonderful birthday I was going to have!!!
August 11th ~ Happy 47th Birthday to Me!!!!
Bob and I went to the follow-up appointment Thursday the 11th. She first examined the areas where I was operated on. Everything looked fine. I just couldn't lift my right arm where they took the lymph nodes out....I asked her, "why didn't you tell me this was going to be painful" lol......she said the lymph nodes were all over the place and she had to do alot of cutting......but all in all it was worth the pain given the results I'd gotten.
With the little bit of cancer left she was going to check with the radiologist to see if she could get "a pass" on it and get it with radiation. I said I'd rather have it taken out and that's what she advised also. So, another surgery is scheduled for Friday August 19th. I am hoping his will be it and I can start some treatment after all of these surgeries heal.
We celebrated my birthday with a nice dinner and a concert! The very next morning, we all headed to Cape Cod for some time away. Bob's brother from Oregon was visiting and we had a reunion at the Cape on Saturday. All of his siblings, parents, nieces and nephews were there. It was a great time, especially with the great news and great company!
We headed home Wednesday to relax for a day before my next surgery on Friday. I assume this will be like the first one and not as much pain as the last. Either way it's one step closer to the end.
Bob and I are going to a fundraiser tonight. Put on by After the Storm Inc. (http://www.afterthestorminc.org/) 2011 Art Bra Runway Show & Auction. I'm looking forward to it!
I am so blessed to have such a wonderful family, great friends and co-workers during this time. I can't tell you all how much you all mean to me. The prayers, thoughts, cards, emails, texts, flowers, and gifts make me feel so loved.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Second Surgery Done!
Friday morning, August 5, 2011, 7:00 am, leaving for surgery......Be there by 7:30, surgery at 8:30, or so I thought.......My kids asked what time I'd be home and I told them "oh, about noon or 1:00pm".....
I get there and forgot about all "the prepping" I needed, so needless to say I didn't go into surgery until 10:45....As the day goes on, they constantly have to ask me what they were going to do, just to make sure they cut the right spot. So, I rambled the 3 areas they were doing, and added a few of my own, like lipo on both my right and left upper thighs....They all laughed!!!! I tried using that a few times, but unfortunately they didn't buy it.
The surgery went well, but I was a little disappointed that I didn't get the Michael Jackson stuff to knock me out!!! I got some other stuff that didn't make me feel that great!!!!! It took me awhile in recovery, I was feeling so sick. The thought of lifting my head and getting dressed for the ride home made me sick...
I get my results this Thursday, on my 47th birthday, at my follow-up appointment! I pray for some good news. It would be the best present I could ever ask for!!!!!
I always underestimate the recovery period of surgeries. My last one, I was mowing the lawn 2 days after....Not this time. No one told me how painful removing lymphnodes was going to be. I can't even move or lift my right arm. It was a pain I've never ever felt before. Like a buring hot fluid was dripping down my whole arm. I had to look quick to make sure nothing was dripping out of me.....It was scary the first few times. Very tough to get comfortable.
Today, Tuesday, August 9th is the first day I can somewhat function. I stopped taking the pain medication they prescribed for me. I've decided to see if extra strenght tylenol worked. That doesn't bother my stomach, or make me dizzy. So far so good.
I want to thank Bob, Joey and Lauren for being the best caretakers a wife and mother can ever ask for. Bob you're so caring and still make me smile, even when I don't think I can. Lauren, my little Florence Nightingale, you're my angel. Joey, my young man. Your big kisses and hugs make all my pain go away. Don't stop being who you are!!!! I love you all!!!
And to my family, friends, and co-workers ~ the emails, text messages, phone calls and cards, I thank-you. They bring a smile to my face. Makes me feel like my life it normal for those moments.
Until Thursday......
I get there and forgot about all "the prepping" I needed, so needless to say I didn't go into surgery until 10:45....As the day goes on, they constantly have to ask me what they were going to do, just to make sure they cut the right spot. So, I rambled the 3 areas they were doing, and added a few of my own, like lipo on both my right and left upper thighs....They all laughed!!!! I tried using that a few times, but unfortunately they didn't buy it.
The surgery went well, but I was a little disappointed that I didn't get the Michael Jackson stuff to knock me out!!! I got some other stuff that didn't make me feel that great!!!!! It took me awhile in recovery, I was feeling so sick. The thought of lifting my head and getting dressed for the ride home made me sick...
I get my results this Thursday, on my 47th birthday, at my follow-up appointment! I pray for some good news. It would be the best present I could ever ask for!!!!!
I always underestimate the recovery period of surgeries. My last one, I was mowing the lawn 2 days after....Not this time. No one told me how painful removing lymphnodes was going to be. I can't even move or lift my right arm. It was a pain I've never ever felt before. Like a buring hot fluid was dripping down my whole arm. I had to look quick to make sure nothing was dripping out of me.....It was scary the first few times. Very tough to get comfortable.
Today, Tuesday, August 9th is the first day I can somewhat function. I stopped taking the pain medication they prescribed for me. I've decided to see if extra strenght tylenol worked. That doesn't bother my stomach, or make me dizzy. So far so good.
I want to thank Bob, Joey and Lauren for being the best caretakers a wife and mother can ever ask for. Bob you're so caring and still make me smile, even when I don't think I can. Lauren, my little Florence Nightingale, you're my angel. Joey, my young man. Your big kisses and hugs make all my pain go away. Don't stop being who you are!!!! I love you all!!!
And to my family, friends, and co-workers ~ the emails, text messages, phone calls and cards, I thank-you. They bring a smile to my face. Makes me feel like my life it normal for those moments.
Until Thursday......
Back To The Beginning
This post is one that should have been posted at the very beginning. My mind was in such a fog from the diagnosis and writing the first post, and others that followed that I feel it's a very important one to post. Let me go back to the very beginning.
My cancer was detected through a routine annual mammogram. I found no lumps through self-breast examinations, or exams done by my doctor. They noticed tiny microscopic calcifications on my mammogram that they thought needed another look at. So I was called in for more pictures of that breast. When they did the other mammogram, it was decided that it looked odd enough to warrant a biopsy. And as they say the rest is history.
I want to put the word out there on how important it is for every women to have their annual mammogram screenings. If I had not done mine, who knows what this could have turned into. My cancer was caught early, Stage 0, at first, then to stage 1, but a very slow growing cancer.
So if you're over due for your mammogram or due for one soon, please cal and schedule your mammogram. It could be the difference between stage 0 or stage IV, or life and death. If my message reaches at least 1 person, then I've done my job.......
My cancer was detected through a routine annual mammogram. I found no lumps through self-breast examinations, or exams done by my doctor. They noticed tiny microscopic calcifications on my mammogram that they thought needed another look at. So I was called in for more pictures of that breast. When they did the other mammogram, it was decided that it looked odd enough to warrant a biopsy. And as they say the rest is history.
I want to put the word out there on how important it is for every women to have their annual mammogram screenings. If I had not done mine, who knows what this could have turned into. My cancer was caught early, Stage 0, at first, then to stage 1, but a very slow growing cancer.
So if you're over due for your mammogram or due for one soon, please cal and schedule your mammogram. It could be the difference between stage 0 or stage IV, or life and death. If my message reaches at least 1 person, then I've done my job.......
Thursday, August 4, 2011
The Waiting Game
Anxious to find out when they can do the next surgery, I called the doctor's office on July 15th. The "scheduler" is out and I should try back Monday. Knowing I was going out of town on Wednesday, July 20th to the 25th. I wanted to at least have the date before I left to feel at ease.
Called back on Monday the 18th and left a vm........I finally got a call back and my next surgery would be Friday, August 5th. Whew!!!! I can enjoy my time away.
I left for Silpada Designs National Conference in Kansas City. For those of you you don't know, Silpada Designs is a sterling silver company that does home shows. ( Want more info contact me.....lol) I was traveling alone to meet some new friends and possibly see some old ones. I've been going to this conference for over 6 years.
That morning before I left, I didn't want to leave my husband and kids. It would be the first time I would be away from them since I was diagnosed. I cried and told my husband I didn't want to go.....but eventually I got it out of my system and got out of bed. The night before my son asked me to come in his room to say good-bye. I told him it would be very, very early, he said he didn't care.
I went in to kiss my daughter who was still somewhat asleep, kissed her and told her I loved her. Then I went into Joe's room. I said good-bye Joe, and he picked his head up gave me the tightest hug and kiss and said he loved me......that made it harder to leave.....But off I went...
In the past conferences I've attended, they truly motivate you both personally and in your business. The testimonials, are inspiring. But this year it took on a new meaning for me. The theme was "Girlfriends for Life", and when I say I met some wonderful women, that was an understatement. I met the most caring, compasionate, funny, beautiful women I've ever met since being with Silpada. They are girlfriends for life!!!! I met women who shared their stories of breast cancer, or people the knew who was diagnosed with it and going through treatment now. It helped me alot hearing others talk to me about it.....Gave me more hope and a more positive attitude. So being at conference kept my mind off everything, I barely dwelled on it.
Back to reality on the 25th....
I received a call from the doctor's office (my doctor was on vacation and someone else was covering for her), they want me to come in and have another ultrasound to see if they can find the "funny looking tissue" that they saw on the MRI, on an ultrasound. Ok I said, when??? I am scheduled for the ultrasound on Friday the 29th.
I walk in to the ultrasound room, escorted by Robin, who will be doing my ultrasound today. Robin has done previous ultrasounds in past years for me, so I knew her. She looks at my chart and immediately says, "I feel so bad for you", because of all the mammograms, ultrasounds, biopsies, MRI and surgery's that I've had. I said don't feel bad it's not your fault, you're just doing your job.....She said but you came in here with such a smile on your face, I just feel bad.....I just smiled again and said don't worry.....
She does the ultrasound and says she needs to go get the doctor so she can read it.......About 20 minutes later she comes back apologizing....The doctor is doing a biopsy and will be here as soon as she's done. I told her don't worry I have all morning, but I do need to go across the hall to have blood drawn for my surgery. So I went to have the blood drawn and came back. When Robin brings me back in to the room, she felt bad I had to wait so she gives me a Stop and Shop gift card.....I laughed, and said you don't need to do this, she said, take it, I feel really bad. I'm thinking since when do these kind of places give out gift cards.....I said Thank You and sat back down.....waiting for another 15-20 minuted she comes back in and says I don't have much but you can have these, they were Dunkin Donuts gift certificates....I laughed again....and took them. Then thinking to myself, what would I get if I waited all day, a bag of cash? lol
The doctor came in and didn't see the "funny looking tissue" on the ultrasound that they saw on the MRI. I made sure she was going to talk to my regular doctor about this and let me know what would happen.
Now for some more time away. We went to the Cape on that Friday and stayed until Monday. That time away too, took my mind off of it for awhile. It was beautiful just getting away. My in-laws are the best!!!! The weather was perfect. We went to the lake, ocean and bay. Mini-golfing, arcade, and go-cart racing...the kids loved it. So now just 4 more days to go......
When I got home I wanted to discuss the surgery with the doctor. I didn't want to go into surgery Friday and have them tell me something else. I spoke to the doctor on Wednesday evening, she agreed that they are still going to biopsy the left side, remove the rest of the cancer on the right side and take out the enlarged lymph node(s) and test or take out the centinal lymph node. I was more at ease.
Surgery is scheduled for 8:30 am tomorrow. I'm not the least bit nervous, the time is near, and in less than 24 hours I will be in Good Hands and the doctor will get the job done. My results should be in by Wednesday the 10th, that is when I will have my follow-up appointment from surgery. I pray for everything to go as planned and no more surgeries, but I will think positive and deal with whatever is given to me. God doesn't give you more than you can handle, and if He did, He's right there beside you to help you through it. So far, I've handled more that I've ever had to.....and I know He's been right by my side.
Bob, I love you with all my heart. Joey and Lauren you are my angels and what keeps me going through all of this.
Thanks to all my family and friends who have helped me through this so far and their continuous love and support.
I'm going to have a good night sleep and wake up to a brand new day, one day closer to the end of this journey.
Called back on Monday the 18th and left a vm........I finally got a call back and my next surgery would be Friday, August 5th. Whew!!!! I can enjoy my time away.
I left for Silpada Designs National Conference in Kansas City. For those of you you don't know, Silpada Designs is a sterling silver company that does home shows. ( Want more info contact me.....lol) I was traveling alone to meet some new friends and possibly see some old ones. I've been going to this conference for over 6 years.
That morning before I left, I didn't want to leave my husband and kids. It would be the first time I would be away from them since I was diagnosed. I cried and told my husband I didn't want to go.....but eventually I got it out of my system and got out of bed. The night before my son asked me to come in his room to say good-bye. I told him it would be very, very early, he said he didn't care.
I went in to kiss my daughter who was still somewhat asleep, kissed her and told her I loved her. Then I went into Joe's room. I said good-bye Joe, and he picked his head up gave me the tightest hug and kiss and said he loved me......that made it harder to leave.....But off I went...
In the past conferences I've attended, they truly motivate you both personally and in your business. The testimonials, are inspiring. But this year it took on a new meaning for me. The theme was "Girlfriends for Life", and when I say I met some wonderful women, that was an understatement. I met the most caring, compasionate, funny, beautiful women I've ever met since being with Silpada. They are girlfriends for life!!!! I met women who shared their stories of breast cancer, or people the knew who was diagnosed with it and going through treatment now. It helped me alot hearing others talk to me about it.....Gave me more hope and a more positive attitude. So being at conference kept my mind off everything, I barely dwelled on it.
Back to reality on the 25th....
I received a call from the doctor's office (my doctor was on vacation and someone else was covering for her), they want me to come in and have another ultrasound to see if they can find the "funny looking tissue" that they saw on the MRI, on an ultrasound. Ok I said, when??? I am scheduled for the ultrasound on Friday the 29th.
I walk in to the ultrasound room, escorted by Robin, who will be doing my ultrasound today. Robin has done previous ultrasounds in past years for me, so I knew her. She looks at my chart and immediately says, "I feel so bad for you", because of all the mammograms, ultrasounds, biopsies, MRI and surgery's that I've had. I said don't feel bad it's not your fault, you're just doing your job.....She said but you came in here with such a smile on your face, I just feel bad.....I just smiled again and said don't worry.....
She does the ultrasound and says she needs to go get the doctor so she can read it.......About 20 minutes later she comes back apologizing....The doctor is doing a biopsy and will be here as soon as she's done. I told her don't worry I have all morning, but I do need to go across the hall to have blood drawn for my surgery. So I went to have the blood drawn and came back. When Robin brings me back in to the room, she felt bad I had to wait so she gives me a Stop and Shop gift card.....I laughed, and said you don't need to do this, she said, take it, I feel really bad. I'm thinking since when do these kind of places give out gift cards.....I said Thank You and sat back down.....waiting for another 15-20 minuted she comes back in and says I don't have much but you can have these, they were Dunkin Donuts gift certificates....I laughed again....and took them. Then thinking to myself, what would I get if I waited all day, a bag of cash? lol
The doctor came in and didn't see the "funny looking tissue" on the ultrasound that they saw on the MRI. I made sure she was going to talk to my regular doctor about this and let me know what would happen.
Now for some more time away. We went to the Cape on that Friday and stayed until Monday. That time away too, took my mind off of it for awhile. It was beautiful just getting away. My in-laws are the best!!!! The weather was perfect. We went to the lake, ocean and bay. Mini-golfing, arcade, and go-cart racing...the kids loved it. So now just 4 more days to go......
When I got home I wanted to discuss the surgery with the doctor. I didn't want to go into surgery Friday and have them tell me something else. I spoke to the doctor on Wednesday evening, she agreed that they are still going to biopsy the left side, remove the rest of the cancer on the right side and take out the enlarged lymph node(s) and test or take out the centinal lymph node. I was more at ease.
Surgery is scheduled for 8:30 am tomorrow. I'm not the least bit nervous, the time is near, and in less than 24 hours I will be in Good Hands and the doctor will get the job done. My results should be in by Wednesday the 10th, that is when I will have my follow-up appointment from surgery. I pray for everything to go as planned and no more surgeries, but I will think positive and deal with whatever is given to me. God doesn't give you more than you can handle, and if He did, He's right there beside you to help you through it. So far, I've handled more that I've ever had to.....and I know He's been right by my side.
Bob, I love you with all my heart. Joey and Lauren you are my angels and what keeps me going through all of this.
Thanks to all my family and friends who have helped me through this so far and their continuous love and support.
I'm going to have a good night sleep and wake up to a brand new day, one day closer to the end of this journey.
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Here's where I'm at.....
To bring everyone up to date, I got my breast cancer diagnosis on Tuesday, June 14th, while I was at work. I had to leave work and go home and be with the ones I love.
It was sort of surreal. Weeks earlier, when I was told I'd have to have a biopsy, something in me told me it was cancer, but I was OK with it and knew I'd fight with all I had to beat this beast of a disease. But until you hear the words "you have cancer", unless you've experienced yourself, you can't imagine what it does to you. All I thought of was death, and I would leave my kids without a mother, and my husband without a wife. I was scared to death. The nights were the worse, I cried myself to sleep. My husband was a my rock and strength through those times and will be in the months to come. Words can't explain how much I love and depend on him! I love him more than life.....
I saw the surgeon the next day, June 15th and was told I had stage zero DCIS (Ductal Carcinoma In Situ) which means it was just in the ducts and has not spread anywhere else. The treatment for this was to go in, take the cancer out, make sure they got clean margins and after it healed, I would need 6-8 weeks radiation.
June 21st, I met with a nurse practioner from the Comprehensive Breast Center to talk about the Hereditary Risk Assessment Program. Since my mother had breast cancer, I needed to see if I had the BRCA1 or BRCA2 gene mutation. If so, this gene could have been carried to my daughter and sisters. I had the blood test and it was found to be negative for the gene mutation. What a relief it was to me for my daughter, son and sisters. One hurdle crossed.
June 24th, I met with the radiation oncologist. He said with what the biposy showed, there is a 98% cure rate. There would be between 6-8 weeks of radiation. After about 4-5 weeks of it I'd start to feel very tired. I asked a lot of questions regarding the side effects of the radiation and felt very good with what he told me. I felt very relieved after meeting with him.
Now it just waiting for the surgery! Waiting is the hardest part for me. I have the patience of a pnat! I swear by the end of this journey I will have more patience than I know what to do with.
June 29th, I meet with a social worker to talk about what I needed to help me through this emotional journey. She was so kind and sweet. She listened to me while I cried and told her what I was afraid of. So gentle and genuine with her words, I felt at ease. By the end of our talk, I had enough information to help me talk openly with my children and husband. She's an angel!
I can't say enough about the help I get from the Middlesex Hospital Cancer Center. They are absolutely wonderful in what they do. They help you through this journey with some sort or normalcy and ease. I know that they make me have more good days than bad days.
My surgery was scheduled for July 1st. I put in for a leave of absence from work to take time to heal both physically and emotionally. The surgery was easy for me. I experienced no pain or discomfort. Within 2 days I was mowing the lawn (my husband had ankle surgery on June 7th and was healing also). When it rains it pours I guess!!!
July 7, 2011...4:00pm.....Results from the surgery are in.......these results were worse to hear than the first diagnosis of "you have cancer". I literally thought I was in a catatonic state........They didn't get clear margins, and they found some invasive cancer (the kind that travels). All I could think of was that it traveled everywhere in me! The surgeon asked if we could come in that day, but it was late and I had a follow-up appointment the next day. So scared, I asked Bob if he would he come with me, of course he said yes. My son heard me asking him.
On the way to bringing my 16 year old son to baseball that night, he asked me what the doctor said......My eyes welled up with tears and so did his.......I told him, it's OK to cry, I'll be just fine....then my eyes filled with tears even more...I could tell he was sad and upset....he worries so much about things like this. I love that kid so much, he's so much like me.....
July 8th, 2011, we met with the surgeon. As she told us the day before, they didn't get clear margins and found some small amounts of invasive cancer. Most likely Stage 1 now. There is a 95-96% cure rate. I asked about chemotherapy. I was told they sometimes do and don't for some invasive cancer. After the next surgery they will know more. They also want to check some lymphnodes to see if it traveled to them.
Next on the list is to schedule an MRI. July 12th, 2011 MRI done. Never had one before, not bad.....Funny, (not really) but after the MRI the woman who did the MRI said, "Oh, my, you have such beautiful hair:", and I said "thanks, I hope I don't loose it, but if I do, it'll grow back, it's just hair". I don't think she realized what she said.
And the saga continues: Anxious for the MRI results, I was calling for 2 days.....I finally got the call from the doctor on July 14th at 5:15pm.....at the baseball field, friviously writing everything she was saying..
On the right breast where the original surgery was done showed some changes from surgery, which is normal because of the positive edges. The right side also showed an enlarged lymph node. This could be because of surgery or something else, not necessarily cancer. No other signs of suspicious cells on the right side. Thank goodness.
On the left side thet saw some tissue that looked "different" and they want to biopsy that side.....
So the next step is to schedule surgery to take care of these 3 areas at once, get clear margins on the right side, check the right enlarged lymph node and biopsy the left side. Let's get this done in one shot........
So now I wait for 2 weeks and try and enjoy some time away with family and friends. I keep praying, thinking positive thoughts and ask for guidance and strength from above to get me through this.
It was sort of surreal. Weeks earlier, when I was told I'd have to have a biopsy, something in me told me it was cancer, but I was OK with it and knew I'd fight with all I had to beat this beast of a disease. But until you hear the words "you have cancer", unless you've experienced yourself, you can't imagine what it does to you. All I thought of was death, and I would leave my kids without a mother, and my husband without a wife. I was scared to death. The nights were the worse, I cried myself to sleep. My husband was a my rock and strength through those times and will be in the months to come. Words can't explain how much I love and depend on him! I love him more than life.....
I saw the surgeon the next day, June 15th and was told I had stage zero DCIS (Ductal Carcinoma In Situ) which means it was just in the ducts and has not spread anywhere else. The treatment for this was to go in, take the cancer out, make sure they got clean margins and after it healed, I would need 6-8 weeks radiation.
June 21st, I met with a nurse practioner from the Comprehensive Breast Center to talk about the Hereditary Risk Assessment Program. Since my mother had breast cancer, I needed to see if I had the BRCA1 or BRCA2 gene mutation. If so, this gene could have been carried to my daughter and sisters. I had the blood test and it was found to be negative for the gene mutation. What a relief it was to me for my daughter, son and sisters. One hurdle crossed.
June 24th, I met with the radiation oncologist. He said with what the biposy showed, there is a 98% cure rate. There would be between 6-8 weeks of radiation. After about 4-5 weeks of it I'd start to feel very tired. I asked a lot of questions regarding the side effects of the radiation and felt very good with what he told me. I felt very relieved after meeting with him.
Now it just waiting for the surgery! Waiting is the hardest part for me. I have the patience of a pnat! I swear by the end of this journey I will have more patience than I know what to do with.
June 29th, I meet with a social worker to talk about what I needed to help me through this emotional journey. She was so kind and sweet. She listened to me while I cried and told her what I was afraid of. So gentle and genuine with her words, I felt at ease. By the end of our talk, I had enough information to help me talk openly with my children and husband. She's an angel!
I can't say enough about the help I get from the Middlesex Hospital Cancer Center. They are absolutely wonderful in what they do. They help you through this journey with some sort or normalcy and ease. I know that they make me have more good days than bad days.
My surgery was scheduled for July 1st. I put in for a leave of absence from work to take time to heal both physically and emotionally. The surgery was easy for me. I experienced no pain or discomfort. Within 2 days I was mowing the lawn (my husband had ankle surgery on June 7th and was healing also). When it rains it pours I guess!!!
July 7, 2011...4:00pm.....Results from the surgery are in.......these results were worse to hear than the first diagnosis of "you have cancer". I literally thought I was in a catatonic state........They didn't get clear margins, and they found some invasive cancer (the kind that travels). All I could think of was that it traveled everywhere in me! The surgeon asked if we could come in that day, but it was late and I had a follow-up appointment the next day. So scared, I asked Bob if he would he come with me, of course he said yes. My son heard me asking him.
On the way to bringing my 16 year old son to baseball that night, he asked me what the doctor said......My eyes welled up with tears and so did his.......I told him, it's OK to cry, I'll be just fine....then my eyes filled with tears even more...I could tell he was sad and upset....he worries so much about things like this. I love that kid so much, he's so much like me.....
July 8th, 2011, we met with the surgeon. As she told us the day before, they didn't get clear margins and found some small amounts of invasive cancer. Most likely Stage 1 now. There is a 95-96% cure rate. I asked about chemotherapy. I was told they sometimes do and don't for some invasive cancer. After the next surgery they will know more. They also want to check some lymphnodes to see if it traveled to them.
Next on the list is to schedule an MRI. July 12th, 2011 MRI done. Never had one before, not bad.....Funny, (not really) but after the MRI the woman who did the MRI said, "Oh, my, you have such beautiful hair:", and I said "thanks, I hope I don't loose it, but if I do, it'll grow back, it's just hair". I don't think she realized what she said.
And the saga continues: Anxious for the MRI results, I was calling for 2 days.....I finally got the call from the doctor on July 14th at 5:15pm.....at the baseball field, friviously writing everything she was saying..
On the right breast where the original surgery was done showed some changes from surgery, which is normal because of the positive edges. The right side also showed an enlarged lymph node. This could be because of surgery or something else, not necessarily cancer. No other signs of suspicious cells on the right side. Thank goodness.
On the left side thet saw some tissue that looked "different" and they want to biopsy that side.....
So the next step is to schedule surgery to take care of these 3 areas at once, get clear margins on the right side, check the right enlarged lymph node and biopsy the left side. Let's get this done in one shot........
So now I wait for 2 weeks and try and enjoy some time away with family and friends. I keep praying, thinking positive thoughts and ask for guidance and strength from above to get me through this.
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