I feel like I'm being tested....the longest day of my life.....

The waiting is over.  My follow-up with the medical oncologist was this Friday, September 30th.  I was told to call 2 days before to see if test results were in.  OK....Being persistent and impatient,  I decided to call last week on the 20th, and yes the results were in.  So, I managed to get an appointment for today at 8:15 am.  I was nervous of what the results would show, but anxious to get on with treatment.

We met with the doctor and the results were what we expected.  Right in the middle where it would be my personal decision.  The doctor said she'd give us a few days to decide and Bob and I looked at each other, both of our eyes tearing up because we each knew what the decision would be.  He would say no chemo and I would say yes to it.  I told him I just didn't want to burden him with taking care of me and he said it's my body and mind that has to deal with it and he'd be beside me the whole time with wahttever I decided to do.  So the decision is made, on with chemo!!!!!

Now that that weight has been lifted from our shoulders, let me back track a week. Last Sunday, September 17th in the evening, Bob sneezed and all of a sudden he gets this headache.  Within minutes it's unbearable.  He can't lay down, he's sweating, he's in so much pain it's scares the heck out of me.  So, I tell him lets go to the hospital, he says no it'll go away......after an hour of me pleading with him, I gave him a migraine pill which relieved it abit.  I'm watching his every move, speech, walking, talking, to see if something serious was happening. In the morning he still feels a dull ache, but goes to work.  That whole week he still has a dull headache.  I call the doctor to see if it's normal to sneeze and get such a heacache.  Then I see Bob googling headaches, migraines, brain tumors, etc....which for him to do this, it means he was worried.  He said when he woke up that Monday morning, he literally wanted to die that night, it was that painful!

So, after my appointment this am about my chemo treatment, off we went to the doctor to have Bob checked out.  He explains what happened, and she immediately says we need to get this looked at "stat".  So, off we go to the hospital for an MRI and an MRA of his head and brain.  I asked if she'd call us with results, she said no we're waiting for them and if it's bad we'll need to admit him.

I'm literally scared to death, not even caring about what's happening to me.  That's nothing compared to the thought of something happening to him.  I'm a nervous wreck in the waiting room, waiting, crying, praying to let him be OK. I never asked God why me with cancer, but if something happened to him, I would have questioned him.  After waiting about 30 minutes the results are back and everything looks fine.  I teared up with joy.

So home we went, he's taking a well needed nap and I will keep my eyes on him forever!!!!

All surgeries are done!!!! Now for the treatments......

I thought since they got all the cancer, surgeries are done, that I would be less scared, but not the case. I am somewhat scared of again, "the unknown" I am now waiting to see what the treatment would be.  Whether it just be radiation or both chemo and radiation. I was told that the cancer stage (stage 1) and type I have type B, (there are types A, B and C) which  is dead smack in the middle and would possibly be a "personal choice" as to whether or not I wanted to do chemo. 

I am scheduled to meet with the medical oncologist Monday, September 12th.  She will look at my records/data and put in the computer that tells you the results as to what the  percentage of  what the reoccurrence rate would be if I had chemo or if I didn't have chemo.  If it was a type A, they would probably say no to chemo, if my type was a C, they would do chemo, but since it's a B, right in the middle, it may be my choice........What am I to do?  I'll just have to look at the percentage of reoccurrence rate and decide with the help of my husband and rely on my faith to help me make the right decision.

 If chemo is required, I would need it for 4 months, every other week.  I hadn't known that the chemo is about 4-5 hours a day for 1 week, then one week off, etc.  Then after chemo it would be a total of 35 treatments of radiation.  At least that is just 10 minutes a day for 5 days a week, for 2 months.

In my heart and mind I know what I'd do regarding chemo if it was up to me, but I will wait to see what the doctor says.

I have been positive 95% of the time, but it's been 3 months already and it feels like I'm still in a fog.  I need a vacuum to suck everyting out of my head just to clear it out, so I can focus on me and my journey.

Two more days to wait and see..........

A sweet story I heard today:  My 16 year old son, Joey,  plays baseball.  Well, he's been using his sister's pink bat bag.  I thought it was because his was old and worn out.  I did think, "why is he using a pink bag", aren't the other boys going to tease him?  He's is very respected by his teammates, so that wasn't a problem.  And he never asked for a new one, and for Joey that was odd!!!!!  One of the parents told me at today's game, that Joey told her son, that he uses the "pink bat bag" to support his Mom because she has breast cancer.  That hadn't even entered my mind why he was using it, I got so teary eyed when she told me.  I am so proud of what a great young man he is growing up to be.  He's still a teenager and by no means is perfect, but he does get things in life, and that makes me proud.  Joey I love you!!!!