The Waiting Game

Anxious to find out when they can do the next surgery, I called the doctor's office on July 15th.  The "scheduler" is out and I should try back Monday.  Knowing I was going out of town on Wednesday, July 20th to the 25th.  I wanted to at least have the date before I left to feel at ease.

Called back on Monday the 18th and left a vm........I finally got a call back and my next surgery would be Friday, August 5th.  Whew!!!!  I can enjoy my time away.

I left for Silpada Designs National Conference in Kansas City.  For those of you you don't know, Silpada Designs is a sterling silver company that does home shows. ( Want more info contact me.....lol) I was traveling alone to meet some new friends and possibly see some old ones.  I've been going to this conference for over 6 years.

That morning before I left, I didn't want to leave my husband and kids.  It would be the first time I would be away from them since I was diagnosed.  I cried and told my husband I didn't want to go.....but eventually I got it out of my system and got out of bed.  The night before my son asked me to come in his room to say good-bye.  I told him it would be very, very early, he said he didn't care.

I went in to kiss my daughter who was still somewhat asleep, kissed her and told her I loved her.  Then I went into Joe's room.  I said good-bye Joe, and he picked his head up gave me the tightest hug and kiss and said he loved me......that made it harder to leave.....But off I went...

In the past conferences I've attended, they truly motivate you both personally and in your business.  The testimonials, are inspiring.  But this year it took on a new meaning for me. The theme was "Girlfriends for Life", and when I say I met some wonderful women, that was an understatement.  I met the most caring, compasionate, funny, beautiful women I've ever met since being with Silpada.  They are girlfriends for life!!!!  I met women who shared their stories of breast cancer, or people the knew who was diagnosed with it and going through treatment now.  It helped me alot hearing others talk to me about it.....Gave me more hope and a more positive attitude.  So being at conference kept my mind off everything, I barely dwelled on it.

Back to reality on the 25th....

I received a call from the doctor's office (my doctor was on vacation and someone else was covering for her), they want me to come in and have another ultrasound to see if they can find the "funny looking tissue" that they saw on the MRI, on an ultrasound.  Ok I said, when???  I am scheduled for the ultrasound on Friday the 29th.

I walk in to the ultrasound room, escorted by Robin, who will be doing my ultrasound today.  Robin has done previous ultrasounds in  past years for me, so I knew her.  She looks at my chart and immediately says, "I feel so bad for you", because of all the mammograms, ultrasounds, biopsies, MRI and surgery's that I've had.  I said don't feel bad it's not your fault, you're just doing your job.....She said but you came in here with such a smile on your face, I just feel bad.....I just smiled again and said don't worry.....

She does the ultrasound and says she needs to go get the doctor so she can read it.......About 20 minutes later she comes back apologizing....The doctor is doing a biopsy and will be here as soon as she's done.  I told her don't worry I have all morning, but I do need to go across the hall to have blood drawn for my surgery.  So I went to have the blood drawn and came back.  When Robin brings me back in to the room, she felt bad I had to wait so she gives me a Stop and Shop gift card.....I laughed, and said you don't need to do this, she said, take it, I feel really bad.  I'm thinking since when do these kind of places give out gift cards.....I said Thank You and sat back down.....waiting for another 15-20 minuted she comes back in and says I don't have much but you can have these, they were Dunkin Donuts gift certificates....I laughed again....and took them.  Then thinking to myself, what would I get if I waited all day, a bag of cash?  lol

The doctor came in and didn't see the "funny looking tissue" on the ultrasound that they saw on the MRI.  I made sure she was going to talk to my regular doctor about this and let me know what would happen.

Now for some more time away.  We went to the Cape on that Friday and stayed until Monday.  That time away too, took my mind off of it for awhile.  It was beautiful just getting away.  My in-laws are the best!!!! The weather was perfect.  We went to the lake, ocean and bay.  Mini-golfing, arcade, and go-cart racing...the kids loved it.  So now just 4 more days to go......

When I got home I wanted to discuss the surgery with the doctor.  I didn't want to go into surgery Friday and have them tell me something else.  I spoke to the doctor on Wednesday evening, she agreed that they are still going to biopsy the left side, remove the rest of the cancer on the right side and take out the enlarged lymph node(s) and test or take out the centinal lymph node.  I was more at ease.

Surgery is scheduled for 8:30 am tomorrow. I'm not the least bit nervous, the time is near, and in less than 24 hours I will be in Good Hands and the doctor will get the job done.  My results should be in by Wednesday the 10th, that is when I will have my follow-up appointment from surgery.  I pray for everything to go as planned and no more surgeries, but I will think positive and deal with whatever is given to me.  God doesn't give you more than you can handle, and if He did, He's right there beside you to help you through it. So far, I've handled more that I've ever had to.....and I know He's been right by my side.

Bob, I love you with all my heart.  Joey and Lauren you are my angels and what keeps me going through all of this.

Thanks to all my family and friends who have helped me through this so far and their continuous love and support.

I'm going to have a good night sleep and wake up to a brand new day, one day closer to the end of this journey.