The Results Are In.....

This posting is a little late, but as you all know life happens and time flies by.  I was scheduled to get my results from my August 5th at my follow-up appointment,  August 11th (my 47th birthday).   I knew they would have them earlier, but I wanted to get them in person.  On that Wednesday before, I kept contemplating whether or not to call and see if they were in.  Part of me wanted to, but the other part said no, what if they aren't the results I wanted to hear.  In my mind, I tossed and turned whether or not to call.  I thought well, if they were bad the doctor would call, or if it was good news they would call......UGGG!!!!!  I left it alone and decided to just wait.

I figured it was after 6:00 pm and no calls, I'll wait.  Then the phone rang at 6:50 pm and I saw it was the doctors office......stomach in knots, I picked it up.  It was the doctor and she said she had preliminary pathology results.....I quickly grabed a pen and paper then started writing everything she said.

The area on the left side that they saw something different on the MRI was clean!  The lymph nodes were all clean, no cancer!! (they took out 5 of them, and boy was it painful!!!) and 1 of the 2 margins on the right side was clean.  They just had one little area on the right side where there was still some non-invasive cancer.  The doctor would go into more details the next day when I went for my follow-up.

What a weight lifted off my shoulders when I heard that news!!!!!  I cried with joy!!!  What a wonderful birthday I was going to have!!!

August 11th ~ Happy 47th Birthday to Me!!!!

Bob and I went to the follow-up appointment Thursday the 11th.  She first examined the areas where I was operated on.  Everything looked fine.  I just couldn't lift my right arm where they took the lymph nodes out....I asked her, "why didn't you tell me this was going to be painful"  lol......she said the lymph nodes were all over the place and she had to do alot of cutting......but all in all it was worth the pain given the results I'd gotten.

With the little bit of cancer left she was going to check with the radiologist to see if she could get "a pass" on it and get it with radiation.  I said I'd rather have it taken out and that's what she advised also.   So, another surgery is scheduled for Friday August 19th.  I am hoping his will be it and I can start some treatment after all of these surgeries heal.

We celebrated my birthday with a nice dinner and a concert!  The very next morning, we all headed to Cape Cod for some time away.  Bob's brother from Oregon was visiting and we had a reunion at the Cape on Saturday.  All of his siblings, parents, nieces and nephews were there.  It was a great time, especially with the great news and great company!

We headed home Wednesday to relax for a day before my next surgery on Friday.  I assume this will be like the first one and not as much pain as the last.  Either way it's one step closer to the end.

Bob and I are going to a fundraiser tonight.  Put on by After the Storm Inc. (http://www.afterthestorminc.org/)  2011 Art Bra Runway Show & Auction.  I'm looking forward to it!

I am so blessed to have such a wonderful family, great friends and co-workers during this time.  I can't tell you all how much you all mean to me.  The prayers, thoughts, cards, emails, texts, flowers, and gifts make me feel so loved.

Second Surgery Done!

Friday morning, August 5, 2011, 7:00 am, leaving for surgery......Be there by 7:30, surgery at 8:30, or so I thought.......My kids asked what time I'd be home and I told them "oh, about noon or 1:00pm".....

I get there and forgot about all "the prepping" I needed, so needless to say I didn't go into surgery until 10:45....As the day goes on, they constantly have to ask me what they were going to do, just to make sure they cut the right spot.  So, I rambled the 3 areas they were doing, and added a few of my own, like lipo on both my right and left upper thighs....They all laughed!!!! I tried using that a few times, but unfortunately they didn't buy it.

The surgery went well, but I was a little disappointed that I didn't get the Michael Jackson stuff to knock me out!!!  I got some other stuff that didn't make me feel that great!!!!!  It took me awhile in recovery, I was feeling so sick.  The thought of lifting my head and getting dressed for the ride home made me sick...

I get my results this Thursday, on my 47th birthday, at my follow-up appointment!  I pray for some good news.  It would be the best present I could ever ask for!!!!!

I always underestimate the recovery period of surgeries.  My last one, I was mowing the lawn 2 days after....Not this time.  No one told me how painful removing lymphnodes was going to be.  I can't even move or lift my right arm.  It was a pain I've never ever felt before.  Like a buring hot fluid was dripping down my whole arm.  I had to look quick to make sure nothing was dripping out of me.....It was scary the first few times.  Very tough to get comfortable. 

Today, Tuesday, August 9th is the first day I can somewhat function.  I stopped taking the pain medication they prescribed for me. I've decided to see if extra strenght tylenol worked.  That doesn't bother my stomach, or make me dizzy.  So far so good.

I want to thank Bob, Joey and Lauren for being the best caretakers a wife and mother can ever ask for.  Bob you're so caring and still make me smile, even when I don't think I can.  Lauren, my little Florence Nightingale, you're my angel.  Joey, my young man.  Your big kisses and hugs make all my pain go away.  Don't stop being who you are!!!!  I love you all!!!

And to my family, friends, and co-workers ~ the emails, text messages, phone calls and cards, I thank-you.  They bring a smile to my face.  Makes me feel like my life it normal for those moments.

Until Thursday......

Back To The Beginning

This post is one that should have been posted at the very beginning.  My mind was in such a fog from the diagnosis and writing the first post, and others that followed that I feel it's a very important one to post. Let me go back to the very beginning.

My cancer was detected through a routine annual mammogram.  I found no lumps through self-breast examinations, or exams done by my doctor.  They noticed tiny microscopic calcifications on my mammogram that they thought needed another look at.  So I was called in for more pictures of that breast.  When they did the other mammogram, it was decided that it looked odd enough to warrant a biopsy.   And as they say the rest is history.

I want to put the word out there on how important it is for every women to have their annual mammogram screenings. If I had not done mine, who knows what this could have turned into.  My cancer was caught early, Stage 0, at first, then to stage 1, but a very slow growing cancer.

So if you're over due for your mammogram or due for one soon, please cal and schedule your mammogram.  It could be the difference between stage 0 or stage IV, or life and death.  If my message reaches at least 1 person, then I've done my job.......

The Waiting Game

Anxious to find out when they can do the next surgery, I called the doctor's office on July 15th.  The "scheduler" is out and I should try back Monday.  Knowing I was going out of town on Wednesday, July 20th to the 25th.  I wanted to at least have the date before I left to feel at ease.

Called back on Monday the 18th and left a vm........I finally got a call back and my next surgery would be Friday, August 5th.  Whew!!!!  I can enjoy my time away.

I left for Silpada Designs National Conference in Kansas City.  For those of you you don't know, Silpada Designs is a sterling silver company that does home shows. ( Want more info contact me.....lol) I was traveling alone to meet some new friends and possibly see some old ones.  I've been going to this conference for over 6 years.

That morning before I left, I didn't want to leave my husband and kids.  It would be the first time I would be away from them since I was diagnosed.  I cried and told my husband I didn't want to go.....but eventually I got it out of my system and got out of bed.  The night before my son asked me to come in his room to say good-bye.  I told him it would be very, very early, he said he didn't care.

I went in to kiss my daughter who was still somewhat asleep, kissed her and told her I loved her.  Then I went into Joe's room.  I said good-bye Joe, and he picked his head up gave me the tightest hug and kiss and said he loved me......that made it harder to leave.....But off I went...

In the past conferences I've attended, they truly motivate you both personally and in your business.  The testimonials, are inspiring.  But this year it took on a new meaning for me. The theme was "Girlfriends for Life", and when I say I met some wonderful women, that was an understatement.  I met the most caring, compasionate, funny, beautiful women I've ever met since being with Silpada.  They are girlfriends for life!!!!  I met women who shared their stories of breast cancer, or people the knew who was diagnosed with it and going through treatment now.  It helped me alot hearing others talk to me about it.....Gave me more hope and a more positive attitude.  So being at conference kept my mind off everything, I barely dwelled on it.

Back to reality on the 25th....

I received a call from the doctor's office (my doctor was on vacation and someone else was covering for her), they want me to come in and have another ultrasound to see if they can find the "funny looking tissue" that they saw on the MRI, on an ultrasound.  Ok I said, when???  I am scheduled for the ultrasound on Friday the 29th.

I walk in to the ultrasound room, escorted by Robin, who will be doing my ultrasound today.  Robin has done previous ultrasounds in  past years for me, so I knew her.  She looks at my chart and immediately says, "I feel so bad for you", because of all the mammograms, ultrasounds, biopsies, MRI and surgery's that I've had.  I said don't feel bad it's not your fault, you're just doing your job.....She said but you came in here with such a smile on your face, I just feel bad.....I just smiled again and said don't worry.....

She does the ultrasound and says she needs to go get the doctor so she can read it.......About 20 minutes later she comes back apologizing....The doctor is doing a biopsy and will be here as soon as she's done.  I told her don't worry I have all morning, but I do need to go across the hall to have blood drawn for my surgery.  So I went to have the blood drawn and came back.  When Robin brings me back in to the room, she felt bad I had to wait so she gives me a Stop and Shop gift card.....I laughed, and said you don't need to do this, she said, take it, I feel really bad.  I'm thinking since when do these kind of places give out gift cards.....I said Thank You and sat back down.....waiting for another 15-20 minuted she comes back in and says I don't have much but you can have these, they were Dunkin Donuts gift certificates....I laughed again....and took them.  Then thinking to myself, what would I get if I waited all day, a bag of cash?  lol

The doctor came in and didn't see the "funny looking tissue" on the ultrasound that they saw on the MRI.  I made sure she was going to talk to my regular doctor about this and let me know what would happen.

Now for some more time away.  We went to the Cape on that Friday and stayed until Monday.  That time away too, took my mind off of it for awhile.  It was beautiful just getting away.  My in-laws are the best!!!! The weather was perfect.  We went to the lake, ocean and bay.  Mini-golfing, arcade, and go-cart racing...the kids loved it.  So now just 4 more days to go......

When I got home I wanted to discuss the surgery with the doctor.  I didn't want to go into surgery Friday and have them tell me something else.  I spoke to the doctor on Wednesday evening, she agreed that they are still going to biopsy the left side, remove the rest of the cancer on the right side and take out the enlarged lymph node(s) and test or take out the centinal lymph node.  I was more at ease.

Surgery is scheduled for 8:30 am tomorrow. I'm not the least bit nervous, the time is near, and in less than 24 hours I will be in Good Hands and the doctor will get the job done.  My results should be in by Wednesday the 10th, that is when I will have my follow-up appointment from surgery.  I pray for everything to go as planned and no more surgeries, but I will think positive and deal with whatever is given to me.  God doesn't give you more than you can handle, and if He did, He's right there beside you to help you through it. So far, I've handled more that I've ever had to.....and I know He's been right by my side.

Bob, I love you with all my heart.  Joey and Lauren you are my angels and what keeps me going through all of this.

Thanks to all my family and friends who have helped me through this so far and their continuous love and support.

I'm going to have a good night sleep and wake up to a brand new day, one day closer to the end of this journey.

Here's where I'm at.....

To bring everyone up to date, I got my breast cancer diagnosis on Tuesday, June 14th, while I was at work.  I had to leave work and go home and be with the ones I love. 

It was sort of surreal.  Weeks earlier, when I was told I'd have to have a biopsy, something in me told me it was cancer, but I was OK with it and knew I'd fight with all I had to beat this beast of a disease.  But until you hear the words "you have cancer", unless you've experienced yourself, you can't imagine what it does to you.  All I thought of was death, and I would leave my kids without a mother, and my husband without a wife.  I was scared to death.  The nights were the worse, I cried myself to sleep.  My husband was a my rock and strength through those times and will be in the months to come.  Words can't explain how much I love and depend on him!  I love him more than life.....

I saw the surgeon the next day, June 15th and was told I had stage zero DCIS (Ductal Carcinoma In Situ) which means it was just in the ducts and has not spread anywhere else.  The treatment for this was to go in, take the cancer out, make sure they got clean margins and after it healed, I would need 6-8 weeks radiation.

June 21st, I met with a nurse practioner from the Comprehensive Breast Center to talk about the Hereditary Risk Assessment Program.  Since my mother had breast cancer, I needed to see if I had the BRCA1 or BRCA2 gene mutation.  If so, this gene could have been carried to my daughter and sisters.  I had the blood test and it was found to be negative for the gene mutation. What a relief it was to me for my daughter, son and sisters.  One hurdle crossed.

June 24th, I met with the radiation oncologist.  He said with what the biposy showed, there is a 98% cure rate.  There would be between 6-8 weeks of radiation.  After about 4-5 weeks of it I'd start to feel very tired.  I asked a lot of questions regarding the side effects of the radiation and felt very good with what he told me.  I felt very relieved after meeting with him. 

Now it just waiting for the surgery!   Waiting is the hardest part for me.  I have the patience of a pnat!  I swear by the end of this journey I will have more patience than I know what to do with.

June 29th, I meet with a social worker to talk about what I needed to help me through this emotional journey.  She was so kind and sweet.  She listened to me while I cried and told her what I was afraid of.  So gentle and genuine with her words, I felt at ease.  By the end of our talk, I had enough information to help me talk openly with my children and husband.  She's an angel!

I can't say enough about the help I get from the Middlesex Hospital Cancer Center.  They are absolutely wonderful in what they do.  They help you through this journey with some sort or normalcy and ease.  I know that they make me have more good days than bad days.

My surgery was scheduled for July 1st.   I put in for a leave of absence from work to take time to heal both physically and emotionally. The surgery was easy for me.  I experienced no pain or discomfort.  Within 2 days I was mowing the lawn (my husband had ankle surgery on June 7th and was healing also).  When it rains it pours I guess!!!

July 7, 2011...4:00pm.....Results from the surgery are in.......these results were worse to hear than the first diagnosis of "you have cancer".  I literally thought I was in a catatonic state........They didn't get clear margins, and they found some invasive cancer (the kind that travels).  All I could think of was that it traveled everywhere in me!  The surgeon asked if we could come in that day, but it was late and I had a follow-up appointment the next day.  So scared, I asked Bob if he would he come with me, of course he said yes.  My son heard me asking him.

On the way to bringing my 16 year old son to baseball that night, he asked me what the doctor said......My eyes welled up with tears and so did his.......I told him, it's OK to cry, I'll be just fine....then my eyes filled with tears even more...I could tell he was sad and upset....he worries so much about things like this. I love that kid so much, he's so much like me.....

July 8th, 2011, we met with the surgeon. As she told us the day before, they didn't get clear margins and found some small amounts of invasive cancer.  Most likely Stage 1 now.  There is a 95-96% cure rate.  I asked about chemotherapy.  I was told they sometimes do and don't for some invasive cancer.  After the next surgery they will know more.  They also want to check some lymphnodes to see if it traveled to them.

Next on the list is to schedule an MRI.  July 12th, 2011 MRI done.  Never had one before, not bad.....Funny, (not really) but after the MRI the woman who did the MRI said, "Oh, my, you have such beautiful hair:", and I said "thanks, I hope I don't loose it, but if I do, it'll grow back, it's just hair".  I don't think she realized what she said. 

And the saga continues:  Anxious for the MRI results, I was calling for 2 days.....I finally got the call from the doctor on July 14th at 5:15pm.....at the baseball field, friviously writing everything she was saying..

On the right breast where the original surgery was done showed some changes from surgery, which is normal because of the positive edges.  The right side also showed an enlarged lymph node.  This could be  because of surgery or something else, not necessarily cancer.  No other signs of suspicious cells on the right side.  Thank goodness.

On the left side thet saw some tissue that looked "different" and they want to biopsy that side.....

So the next step is to schedule surgery to take care of these 3 areas at once, get clear margins on the right side, check the right enlarged lymph node and biopsy the left side.  Let's get this done in one shot........

So now I wait for 2 weeks and try and enjoy some time away with family and friends.  I keep praying,  thinking positive thoughts and ask for guidance and strength from above to get me through this.