Here's where I'm at.....

To bring everyone up to date, I got my breast cancer diagnosis on Tuesday, June 14th, while I was at work.  I had to leave work and go home and be with the ones I love. 

It was sort of surreal.  Weeks earlier, when I was told I'd have to have a biopsy, something in me told me it was cancer, but I was OK with it and knew I'd fight with all I had to beat this beast of a disease.  But until you hear the words "you have cancer", unless you've experienced yourself, you can't imagine what it does to you.  All I thought of was death, and I would leave my kids without a mother, and my husband without a wife.  I was scared to death.  The nights were the worse, I cried myself to sleep.  My husband was a my rock and strength through those times and will be in the months to come.  Words can't explain how much I love and depend on him!  I love him more than life.....

I saw the surgeon the next day, June 15th and was told I had stage zero DCIS (Ductal Carcinoma In Situ) which means it was just in the ducts and has not spread anywhere else.  The treatment for this was to go in, take the cancer out, make sure they got clean margins and after it healed, I would need 6-8 weeks radiation.

June 21st, I met with a nurse practioner from the Comprehensive Breast Center to talk about the Hereditary Risk Assessment Program.  Since my mother had breast cancer, I needed to see if I had the BRCA1 or BRCA2 gene mutation.  If so, this gene could have been carried to my daughter and sisters.  I had the blood test and it was found to be negative for the gene mutation. What a relief it was to me for my daughter, son and sisters.  One hurdle crossed.

June 24th, I met with the radiation oncologist.  He said with what the biposy showed, there is a 98% cure rate.  There would be between 6-8 weeks of radiation.  After about 4-5 weeks of it I'd start to feel very tired.  I asked a lot of questions regarding the side effects of the radiation and felt very good with what he told me.  I felt very relieved after meeting with him. 

Now it just waiting for the surgery!   Waiting is the hardest part for me.  I have the patience of a pnat!  I swear by the end of this journey I will have more patience than I know what to do with.

June 29th, I meet with a social worker to talk about what I needed to help me through this emotional journey.  She was so kind and sweet.  She listened to me while I cried and told her what I was afraid of.  So gentle and genuine with her words, I felt at ease.  By the end of our talk, I had enough information to help me talk openly with my children and husband.  She's an angel!

I can't say enough about the help I get from the Middlesex Hospital Cancer Center.  They are absolutely wonderful in what they do.  They help you through this journey with some sort or normalcy and ease.  I know that they make me have more good days than bad days.

My surgery was scheduled for July 1st.   I put in for a leave of absence from work to take time to heal both physically and emotionally. The surgery was easy for me.  I experienced no pain or discomfort.  Within 2 days I was mowing the lawn (my husband had ankle surgery on June 7th and was healing also).  When it rains it pours I guess!!!

July 7, 2011...4:00pm.....Results from the surgery are in.......these results were worse to hear than the first diagnosis of "you have cancer".  I literally thought I was in a catatonic state........They didn't get clear margins, and they found some invasive cancer (the kind that travels).  All I could think of was that it traveled everywhere in me!  The surgeon asked if we could come in that day, but it was late and I had a follow-up appointment the next day.  So scared, I asked Bob if he would he come with me, of course he said yes.  My son heard me asking him.

On the way to bringing my 16 year old son to baseball that night, he asked me what the doctor said......My eyes welled up with tears and so did his.......I told him, it's OK to cry, I'll be just fine....then my eyes filled with tears even more...I could tell he was sad and upset....he worries so much about things like this. I love that kid so much, he's so much like me.....

July 8th, 2011, we met with the surgeon. As she told us the day before, they didn't get clear margins and found some small amounts of invasive cancer.  Most likely Stage 1 now.  There is a 95-96% cure rate.  I asked about chemotherapy.  I was told they sometimes do and don't for some invasive cancer.  After the next surgery they will know more.  They also want to check some lymphnodes to see if it traveled to them.

Next on the list is to schedule an MRI.  July 12th, 2011 MRI done.  Never had one before, not bad.....Funny, (not really) but after the MRI the woman who did the MRI said, "Oh, my, you have such beautiful hair:", and I said "thanks, I hope I don't loose it, but if I do, it'll grow back, it's just hair".  I don't think she realized what she said. 

And the saga continues:  Anxious for the MRI results, I was calling for 2 days.....I finally got the call from the doctor on July 14th at 5:15pm.....at the baseball field, friviously writing everything she was saying..

On the right breast where the original surgery was done showed some changes from surgery, which is normal because of the positive edges.  The right side also showed an enlarged lymph node.  This could be  because of surgery or something else, not necessarily cancer.  No other signs of suspicious cells on the right side.  Thank goodness.

On the left side thet saw some tissue that looked "different" and they want to biopsy that side.....

So the next step is to schedule surgery to take care of these 3 areas at once, get clear margins on the right side, check the right enlarged lymph node and biopsy the left side.  Let's get this done in one shot........

So now I wait for 2 weeks and try and enjoy some time away with family and friends.  I keep praying,  thinking positive thoughts and ask for guidance and strength from above to get me through this.