It's a Party.....

Well, this week was the first time since my diagnosis that I had a pity party for myself.  It lasted less than a day, but it happened.  I guess I am entitled, or so I am told.

I had my port put in on Monday the 3rd and chemo is to start on the 10th. Not taking the time to rest after Monday's surgery, I went about my business and ran errands.

My favorite errand, going to try on wigs.  NOT!  I dreaded this so much.  But I wanted to have something for my head.  I know people say "it'll grow back, it's only hair", but all the cancer patients I've talked to say this is the hardest to deal with.

I have some scarves and hats that are OK, but I want some "hair" just in case.......The Cancer Center has a "wig room" where  you can go and try on wigs, synthetic ones.....eeekkkkk...  My hairdresser says get "human hair" if you can.  So I went to a wig store to at least see and feel what human hair felt like.  It does feel like human hair and you have to do the upkeep as if it was your own hair!  Some say that's the drawback.

It's Wednesday and I have an appointment to try on wigs.  It's hard to get the real effect with your own hair still there.  So there I am trying on these synthetic wigs and you can't comb them like human hair, you just have to play with it with your fingers to get it to look right.  After an hour or so, I walked out of there with a wig and about 7 knitted hats, scarves, etc.

By that time I was feeling sick.  I forgot to eat and had taken a pain pill because I was sore from the surgery on Monday.  Luckily I was just 20 minutes from home, I didn't think I'd make it but I did.

When I got home and went straight to bed at 2:30pm.  Lauren comes home (my 11 year old daughter) and comes to lay with me in bed.  I told her what I did that day and she asked if she can look at my "goodies".  That little girl had a field day with all the stuff.  (You all have to know that being nauseous for me is the worst, I can take physical pain, but not a queezy stomach.  So my emotions are running rampid.)  She tries on the wig and says "hey, can I wear this for Halloween?"  I was thinking of being a girl from the 1980's.  Holding back the tears (not tears of laughter) I said sure.

I don't think I cried as much as I did that night.  I know it's only hair, but I think everything finally sunk in, chemo is starting Monday and I am nervous and scared.